Emotional Intelligence Blog

Emotional Intelligence Quote
“Life is a book and you are its author.  You determine its plot and pace and you — only you — turn its pages.”
- Beth Mende Conny

Tip/Reminder
If you don’t like how you are feeling in your life, use that knowledge to ask yourself, “What Am I Feeling Right Now?”  Pull out the Emotional Self-Awareness pocket card you received and put it on your desk.

What Am I Feeling Right Now?

Emotional Intelligence Quote
“It’s not stress that kills us; it is our reaction to it.”
Hans Selye

Tip/Reminder
Stress is the result of negative emotions and beliefs that occur when someone is unable to cope with the demands of their environment.  But you are not “unable” — you know how to use the Freeze-Frame® technique.

Time Out, Shift, Activate, Ask, Listen

Freeze-Frame is a registered trademark of the Institute of HeartMath.

When teaching my Emotional Intelligence (EI) skill-building programs I make the point early and often that there are two fundamental EI competencies that are crucial to success:  Emotional Self-Awareness (being aware of what you are feeling throughout the day and evening), and Emotional Self-Management (having the skill be choose the emotions you want to experience and to be able to transform out of negative, draining emotions into positive productive emotions and behaviors).  Negative emotions get triggered whenever we perceive something as a threat — a physical threat or a psychological or symbolic threat.  We all can easily think of things that might be a physical threat.  Psychological or symbolic threats are a less obvious but just as potent in their impact or our thinking and health.  The symbolic area is where the importance of the word “perceived” is so critical:

• A perceived threat to your security (“Did you hear there is going to be a 10% downsizing in February?!)
• A perceived threat to our self-esteem
• A perceived threat to your dignity
• Being treated unjustly
• Being insulted or demeaned
• Being frustrated in pursuing a goal that is important to you

The more you can manage these negative perceptions and emotions, the more peaceful your life becomes. Read the rest of this entry »

Emotional Intelligence Quote
“When one is out of touch with oneself, one cannot touch others.”
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Tip/Reminder
Listening to others with the purpose of making them feel heard is a great way to show that you care about others.  This is especially true when some is upset.  Use the Intuitive Listening™ technique to touch others.

Don’t Interrupt, Appreciate, Listen for Meaning, Verify the Essence

Intuitive Listening is a trademark of the Institute of HeartMath.

Emotional Intelligence Quote
“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten we belong to each other.”
- Mother Teresa

Tip/Reminder
A good way to demonstrate to yourself that we belong to each other is to feel and send appreciate to people in your life by using the Heart Lock-In® technique every day this week.

Shift, Feel Appreciation, Send Appreciation

Heart Lock-In is a registered trademark of the Institute of HeartMath.

Emotional Intelligence Quote
“If there were one word that could act as a standard of conduct for one’s entire life, perhaps it would be ‘thoughtfulness.’”
- Confucius

Tip/Reminder
What better way to begin this year than by telling someone something that you appreciate about him or her?  Better yet – tell a different person each day this week what you appreciate.

Specific What, Specific Why

I have gone to the same woman who cuts my hair for about 30 years.  She had a room in her house that was set up as a salon.  She did a good job on my hair, and I enjoyed our light conversations.  About 3 years ago she and her husband retired and moved to Florida.  She referred all of her clients to another woman, Sally, who has a salon nearby.  Sally does a nice job on my hair, but I find the atmosphere at her salon much different.

Sally always seems to have some sort of drama going on in her life, whether it’s with clients in the salon or family members.  I think she really enjoys sharing the various stories about how other people screw things up, don’t do things right, get into trouble, cause her trouble, etc.  And all the while I have to sit there and listen to it.  I have taught and used Emotional Intelligence techniques for 16 years and use them to keep from letting her negative emotions “infect” me. Read the rest of this entry »

Emotional Intelligence Quote
“Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”
- Anonymous

Tip/Reminder
As the new year begins you probably have a lot of things on your mind and a lot of challenges ahead of you, many of which create “noise” in your mind.  To quiet that noise use the Freeze-Frame® technique each day this week when you need to think clearly.

Time Out, Shift, Activate, Ask, Listen

Freeze-Frame is a registered trademark by the Institute of HeartMath.

Emotional Intelligence Quote
“Peace is not something you wish for.
It’s something you make.
Something you do.
Something you are.
Something you give away.”
-  Robert Fulgham

Tip/Reminder
May the peace of this season be with you and all of those who touch your life.

Specific What, Specific Why

Emotional Intelligence Quote
“When you have to make a choice and don’t make it, that is in itself a choice.”
- William James

Tip/Reminder
What are the most frequent choices?  All of the choice points that come up every day about what you will choose to feel -when the project is late, when “they” didn’t get you what you needed, when the guy cut you off in traffic, when someone interrupted you.

What Are You Feeling?