Emotional Intelligence at the Recital
Children’s recitals (of any kind) can be stressful events and times when emotions are heightened. This past weekend, I saw one of the most subtle and yet important demonstrations of emotional intelligence in action at my granddaughter’s dance recital.
We have known the owner of our local dance school for over thirty years. My wife took lessons there, as did my daughter. My daughter now has three little girls, ages 9, 6, and 3 — all currently taking lessons. For a number of years my wife and I have helped out during the recital, which is held at the local high school auditorium. My wife works backstage as a “runner.” She makes sure the various groups of little girls (and a few little boys) are ready to go on stage at the right time. I sell tickets and then I’m back stage to make sure that no one comes backstage who is not supposed to be there. As a result both my wife and I get to see most of the recital from the left wing of the stage.
There are 3 dance teachers who teach various age groups of children. When one of the teacher’s groups is on stage the teacher stands behind and at the edge of the main curtain so the children can see her but the audience cannot. As the children dance the teacher dances behind the curtain, acting as a role model for the kids.
I think the most fun group for the audience is the 3 year olds who are performing for their first recital. One of the dance teachers has a 3 year old in that group. As they were waiting in the wing to go on stage, the dance teacher’s daughter started crying and did not want to go on stage — she just wanted her mommy. The teacher picked up the little girl and comforted her as the group ahead of the 3 year olds was finishing their ballet number. Another one of the back stage mothers tried to help but the little girl just cried louder.
What I saw over the next 30 minutes of the recital was so heart warming. Even though the teacher was holding a crying, clinging 3 year old and had several more groups of children she had to get on and off stage and “dance” with she never got upset. Instead she was patient, calm, caring and loving not only with her daughter but with her groups too! By the end of the recital the 3 year old was smiling and happy and so was her mom.
On the drive home my wife and I talked about what could have happened if the teacher had not managed her emotions so well. If the teacher had been irritated, impatient, angry, or had exhibited a number of other negative emotions her behavior and her relationship with her daughter could have been much worse. And the little 3 year old might have had a negative memory that could have kept her from dancing in the future or even kept her from ever being on stage.
In tough situations, whether with family or coworkers, relationships often get down to a simple matter of choosing — choosing which emotions we want to experience and express. That choice has not only an immediate impact but also a long-term impact. Hopefully, we can all choose wisely in those tough situations.
