Emotional Intelligence Blog

Emotional Intelligence Quote
“The way to move out of judgment is to move into gratitude.”
- Neale Donald Walsh, Happier Than God

Tips/Reminders
“They don’t know what they are doing!”  “When are they going to get it right?”  “I’m no good at…”  Eliminate your judgments of others and yourself by using the Freeze-Frame® technique to gain a broader perspective.

Time Out, Shift, Activate, Ask, Listen

Freeze-Frame is a registered trademark of the Institute of HeartMath.

 

Emotional Intelligence Quote
“Don’t bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.”
- William Faulkner

Tip/Reminder
A powerful way to be better than you were yesterday is to use the Emotional Intelligence tools you learned – and the Freeze-Frame® technique is perhaps the most powerful of all.

Time Out, Shift, Activate, Ask, Listen

Freeze-Frame is a registered trademark of the Institute of HeartMath.

 

A few weeks ago I taught a group of 20 Customer Care leaders some simple Emotional Intelligence techniques as part of our Building Resilience and Agility program. The most frequently used technique enables people to transform a job stress into positive productive emotions and behaviors very quickly. It only takes about 4 minutes to explain the five steps of the technique. Next, it takes a couple of minutes to prepare for using it the first time. This includes writing down a few words describing the job stress, and six to eight words that describe their “head reaction” to the job stress – thoughts and emotions the person has had about the job stress. It then takes only a minute for me to walk everyone through the five steps. The second to last step in the technique is to ask your heart or wisdom “What is a more effective response to the job stress?”

After everyone has jotted down their answer to the question I ask them to do two things. First, jot down one word that describes what they wrote for their “head reaction” then jot down one word that describes what they wrote for their heart or wisdom answer.

Next, I asked each person to share their two words and I listed them on a flip chart as shown below:

“Head Reaction”	“Heart / Wisdom”
Unappreciated Annoyed Agitated Annoyed Stunned Anger Resentful Frustrated Guilty Threatened Fear Annoyed Angry Fear Frustration Overwhelming Wary Complaining Stunned Combative	Peaceful Cooperative Calm Gentle Positive Caring Acceptance Control Caring Confident Calm Calm Unburdened Freedom Constructive Competent Anticipatory Competent Cooperative Cooperative

 

Take a look at the two columns. What are you observations about the two columns of words? Which column would you prefer to experience? Which column would you prefer the people who report to you or with whom you work to experience? The words in these two columns are typical of what participants report no matter who they are, what position they hold, their age or sex.

The point is that in a minute of less, the very first time that people use the emotional self-management technique, they are able to transform negative draining emotions into positive, productive emotions and behaviors. Some “Emotional Intelligence experts” have said that it takes months to develop EI skills. The technique described here demonstrates that a person can begin enhancing their EI skills in just minutes.

Emotional Intelligence Quote
“That the birds of worry and care fly over your head, this you cannot change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.”
- Chinese Proverb

Tip/Reminder
Look within to see the emotions that are trying to build a nest in your head.  Some of them fly quietly around while others are loud and distracting.  Be aware of them all each day this week so that you can do something about them.

What Am I Feeling Right Now?

 

Emotional Intelligence Quote
“An open ear is the only believable sign of an open heart.”
- David Augsburger

Tip/Reminder
Listen to make the other person feel heard and understood — not simply to try to make your point.  Use the Intuitive Listening™ technique to demonstrate to people at work and home that you have both an open ear and open heart.

Don’t Interrupt, Appreciate, Listen for Meaning, Verify the Essence

Intuitive Listening is a trademark of the Institute of HeartMath.

 

Just a couple of weeks ago I began training the VP of Customer Care and nineteen of the leaders in his 140 person organization. They are a critical department in a large “build to order” manufacturing company. Of course a part of our Emotional Intelligence skill-building training program includes examining and teaching techniques in the five competencies of Emotional Intelligence:

Emotional Self-Awareness Emotional Self-Regulation Emotional Self-Motivation

Empathy Nurturing Relationships

During the training, I cite research indicating how important Emotional Intelligence is to effective leadership. The research is impressive but I believe a program activity during which leaders identify the importance of EI to the best bosses they have ever worked for is even more impressive.

Working in groups of four or five, the participants list on flip charts the behaviors and characteristics of the best most effective bosses they have ever worked with. Some of the typical answers include the following…

Empowering Gives credit Open to ideas Leads by example Trusting Good listener Fair Collaborative Authentic Motivating

Inspirational Leads by example Stands up for you Ethical Inspires confidence Approachable Team player Calm Seeks input Flexible

Sense of humor Focused on teamwork Can see others point of view Cares about you Positive attitude Consistent Interested in the whole person Transparent Explorative Provides positive feedback

As you look at these behaviors and characteristics which of them indicate a good degree of any of the five Emotional Intelligence competencies listed above? Go ahead, put a checkmark beside those behaviors and characteristics.

Participants tell me that most of them do. I also have the groups code each behavior and characteristic another way. One is to identify which behaviors and characteristics indicate that the boss is efficient (e) — doesn’t waste any time; and which indicate the boss really cares (c) about you. I then have them tally the “e’s” and the “c’s”. The result is that the best most effective bosses have a balance of efficiency and sincere care. In fact many groups say that the more caring the boss is the more efficient they are.

I think it is not a coincidence that the 5th of the Gallup’s Q-12 — the twelve questions that if each are answered “yes” to, that your best performers will stay with your company — is “Does my supervisor, or someone at work, seem to care about me as a person?” And one of the best ways to become one of those best most effective bosses is to enhance your emotional intelligence skills in each of the five EI competencies.

Read more about Best Bosses and Emotional Intelligence and Great Bosses and Great Leaders.

 

Emotional Intelligence Quote
“Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.”
- Erma Bombeck

Tip/Reminder
Worry, worry, worry. What a waste of time and energy. Be aware of whenever you are feeling that emotion and then decide if it would be better for you to stay there or transform into more positive emotions and behaviors.

What Am I Feeling Right Now?

 

Emotional Intelligence Quote
“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”
- Frederick Keonig

Tip/Reminder
Who and what do you have in your work and family life that you appreciate?  Every day this week spend 10 minutes feeling sincere appreciation for all of them by using the Heart Lock-In® technique.

Shift, Feel Appreciation, Send Appreciation

Heart Lock-In is a registered trademark of the Institute of HeartMath.

Emotional Intelligence Quote
“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely… ”
- Karen Kaiser Clark

Tip/Reminder
If you are feeling uncomfortable, anxious, or worried about a change, the power to choose different emotions that will enable you to grow is at your fingertips – use the Freeze-Frame® technique as often as you need.

Time Out, Shift, Activate, Ask, Listen

Freeze-Frame is a registered trademark of the Institute of HeartMath.

 

Emotional Intelligence Quote
“Generosity lies less in giving much than in giving at the right moment.”
- Jean De La Bruyere

Tip/Reminder
Valentines Day is around the corner.  How many people should you express appreciation to this week?  What will they feel when you do?  What will YOU feel when you do?

Specific What, Specific Why